When first listening to select tracks on Man’s Best Friend, I thought “it’s a hit for sure.” In investigating further, I have realized that it is definitely an industry-specific hit. Sabrina Carpenter has created a very classic pop hit album that can absolutely get her to the top of the charts and viral on TikTok. So bravo, you have tricked us all into believing this is good music. When really, it is a very, very catchy 40 minutes with zero substance. All that’s accomplished in this album is a pretty intense slander of men that is mixed in with physical praise. Although this is for sure an industry smash, it probably sets women back a few years. Nevertheless, I will probably continue to put it in my pregame playlists. With that being said…let’s get into it.
Manchild
The light and simple synth brings us into our first track where Sabrina goes right in making fun of a man. She makes him seem like an idiotic figure that doesn’t know how to do simple tasks like charge his phone or put on a matching outfit. Most women can relate to this section in that the men in their lives are quite incapable of doing simple things without the help of a woman. The chorus is a confirmation of these ideas chanting accusations of “Manchild/ Why you always come a running to me?” The bridge is a comedic portion of the track, presenting questioning feelings about men in general; she refers to them as being not so intelligent, yet so good looking and appealing to women. She knocks on the mothers of men who are completely incompetent. In the outro, she admits that even though she is clowning this entire species of men, she does enjoy the good chase and making herself useful to them. She completely contradicts herself by saying “And I swear they choose me/ I’m not choosing them” but then follows it up with “Hey men!” She is calling them over to her and drawing attention to herself after just claiming she does not try to make a spectacle of herself. She knows this is a fault of hers but she can’t really resist so instead she says “Fuck my life!”
Tears
This song is plain and simple. Sabrina Carpenter gets really turned on by a man that does bare minimum acts like house chores, or even basic communication skills. She says “A little respect for women can get you very very far,” which to me is another grab at a bare minimum feeling that a man is supposed to have respect for a woman. Sabrina doesn’t even need the full respect, she only needs some. Although the lyrics of this track, as well as many others on this album, degrade women as a group, they are pretty catchy and can definitely convince people to dance.
My Man on Willpower
Sabrina opens this one with another praise to her man but quickly transitions into describing his mood swings towards her. She is becoming frustrated by his restraint on being tempted by her. The entire thing seems to be a description of a man falling out of the honeymoon phase of a relationship. She describes his drive for his job and his dwindling interest in her, even as she attempts to turn him on. This is another degrading way to describe women in general, implying that they should just wait for their man to get home at night so she can please him and feel wanted. This specific idea really contrasts the other songs’ messages in the way that she is expressing dumb men are better sexually, but smart and driven men don’t have as much energy or care for sexual aspects of a relationship.
Sugar Talking
The open guitar and the keys combined is a slow start to Sabrina putting her foot down in a fight with her man. She tells him that there is no option tonight and he cannot talk his way out of coming over to her house. Demanding that he “Put your loving where your mouth is” shows that she is tired of his excuses and words. She wants him to act like he loves her because actions speak louder than words. The verse starting with “You filled my whole apartment/ With flowers that die” tells us that this guy messed up again. He displays his apology by spending a bunch of money but all she wants is for him to stop upsetting her in the first place. The outro really proves that she really means it that it’s over when she says “It’s your seventh last chance honey/ Get your sorry ass to mine.”
We Almost Broke Up Again Last Night
This track is very similar to “Sugar Talking” in that she is getting fed up with the relationship and the faults of the man she is with. She feels like the fights are going in circles and they end the same way every single time. They fight. They have sex. They make up. The lyric “Called it a false alarm to all of our friends” proves that the relationship just is not going well if all the people closest to this couple are worried about them all the time. The theme of remorse always creeps back in when you think you want to end things with a person. She explains this by saying “When I reach to pull the plug/ I swear he starts working out.” To me this means that she tries to end it all and suddenly he starts to better himself and look better. She tries to convince herself it’s all better by saying “And on the days I’m a little too much/ That’s when I tell him how sweet he treats me.” She begins to believe their issues are her fault and that she’s dramatic. The outro is a repetition and a dirty detail that he gives her attention and probably bare minimum treatment so she gives to him sexually. Nevertheless, “We almost broke up again” and the cycle continues.
Nobody’s Son
This track opens with the line “I think it’s time we took a break.” I believe this is a way to express that her relationship has finally broken but she is also pausing the album’s sorrow tone. We take a break from the depressing back and forth of a bad relationship and instead dive into breakup depression, but it sounds happy and magical. The tiring lyrics “Here we go again/ Crying in bed/ What a familiar feeling” tell us that this isn’t her first rodeo. She calls some pity on herself by saying “All my friends in love and I’m the one/ They call for a third wheeling” giving off ‘little old me’ energy. She blames this issue on society and the slimy boys that run around being assholes because they had poor parenting. She makes a dig at the fact that he never reaches out to her post-break upand that he “Discovered self control/ This week” when he never had that quality when they were together. The popular whip in the outro gives us a stinging feeling for this messed up relationship. She calls out the boy’s mother, blaming her for bad parenting and all the pain she caused. If it were not clear who she is talking about she even emphasizes “He sure fucked me up/ And yes I’m talking bout your baby.” She really rubs it in and makes it clear that “There’s nobody’s son” out there for her to put her faith into.
Never Getting Laid
We continue to move through this breakup recovery with a slow and sly sounding track. She is drinking and thinking of him again. She is jealous of him and wishes bad things on him because of the confusion he is causing her. She is angry that he booty calls her and then moves on to other random women. The tone of the lyrics make her sound like she has no hard feelings towards him but the lyrics say things like “I just hope you get agoraphobia some day” and “Wish you a lifetime full of happiness/ And a forever of never getting laid.” These statements are pretty contradictory and tell us that she is just extremely jealous and petty. She’s saying ‘hey I hope you’re super happy but don’t ever have sex with anyone besides me ever again :).’ She even tries to come up with other ideas of ways he can entertain himself like hanging out with the boys and exclaiming that “Us girls are fun but stressful.” She confirms her hatred towards him in the outro with a shaky message telling him that she hopes he finds “A good whole lot of nothing.”
When Did You Get Hot?
We head into this track under the impression that Sabrina is heading back into the wilderness to find a rebound. She describes her dry spell in great detail and how she goes out to the “Prospect convention” (the bar). She gets introduced to an old friend and has a realization that he got noticeably more attractive and Ding! Ding! Ding!, Devin wins as her new prospect.
Go Go Juice
The acoustic guitar rings in a downward motion. Sabrina is day drinking in response to her recent breakup and says she “Got a soft spot for a bev and a boy that’s fruity,” meaning that all she wants is alcohol and a gay best friend. The chorus is super catchty and she admits that “I’m just drinking to call someone.” All she wants is a good time and some entertainment to distract her from the truth of her hurt. She goes on and on to describe herself pulling men from her recycle bin just for fun. The last minute of the song is a long harmony of drunken “Ba da da da da’s” which paints the picture of Sabrina dancing around the bar drunkenly. She is a nuisance to those around her. She casually states quotes from her drunk texts that are barely legible. Laughing and jumping around screaming “Bye it’s me” and desperately “Do you me still love?” These quotes begin to speed up and bring us into a repetition for the chorus ending off on “Sippin’ on my go go juice, I can’t be blamed,” which tries to convince us that she is just a poor innocent girl who’s been dumped and she is coping with childish behavior.
Don’t Worry I’ll Make You Worry
This track starts off slow and back into the same exact theme of getting revenge on her ex. It honestly doesn’t have much depth and the whisper of “(I still think you love me)” really reminds me of “P.S I love you” from How I Met Your Mother. She is patting herself on the back for making him feel hurt. She makes malicious comments such as “Damn sure I’ll never let you know where you stand.” These make me realize that all she wants is for this guy to feel confused and like shit.
House Tour
We begin with a fun 70s beat and a whisper of “Take your shoes off.” Something people say that is supposed to be casual when coming in the front door of a house is now a sexual sounding statement. She swears that the idea of the “House Tour” is not a metaphor for anything, but then follows that up with “I just want you to come inside” which seems pretty sexual to me. Though these lyrics lack depth and intellectual meaning, people still view Sabrina as a charming figure so they come off as catchy and fun. The bridge is a chant of details about “My house” which gives me a Barbie vibe. The outro of the track is a simple question of “Are you coming in or what?” which is responded to with loud running footsteps which gives the rhetorical answer of “Yes of course.”
Goodbye
We head into our last track on the album with a high octave piano and a tango sounding tune. She expresses the hurt she has experienced from the breakup. She is finally rid of her terrible feelings and resentment towards her ex and the way he thought he could call all the shots. She puts her foot down when she says “Well, sayonara/ Adios/ You’re not bilingual/ But you should know/ Goodbye.” She is making a pun out of the fact that she sees her ex as a stupid man who lost her and now she is closing the door on him. She pokes at the fact that he will eventually be crawling right back to her and begging for forgiveness. But, she stays firm in that she will not take him back and means it when she says “Au Revoir.” She says the word “Goodbye” in so many different ways to show that she means what she is saying and wants him to understand that it is a no in every universe. She ends off in the outro by claiming he “Can’t have your cake and eat it too” which is a possible saying which means he can’t get everything he wants at whatever cost. She is drawing the line. This clever track also doubles as an ending for the entire album in the sense that it quite literally means “Bye for now my friends, I leave you with this message.”
lyricritic 
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